today
“Wherever you go, there you are.”
4 years after deciding to move to Ghana, I have arrived at the same values which urged me to buy that one-way ticket in the first place. I’m still very curious about why people, myself included, act and behave the way they do, and how our circumstances and surroundings affect behavior. To me, this persistent interest is confirmation to me that as much as the spirit is adaptable, as much as our brains are malleable, spirit is persistent inside all of us and we are responsible for becoming attuned to our heart’s desires.
I thought there was an “it” that I was looking for before I moved that would change my life and desires. I didn’t realize that the destination is never a location or a school of thought, I didn’t realize that the destination is ever-occurring if you move through life freely and openly enough to receive it. I didn’t realize that the cleanse is an individual process, that it’s started before I even knew it was meant to, that I had to not only seek it but give my best effort, every day, to meet it. Continuously.
I didn’t realize because I hadn’t been doing that. I didn’t know that it was in me to do that yet.
Doing some August 1, birthday month, early 20s reflections, I have decided that I want to live intentionally toward myself to be better able to create positive meaning, impact, and change in other people. I thought before that the way to do this was to pour everything out of myself. With favors, with attention, with praise, with presence, with whatever I thought I had to do to show love before I learned the importance of a strong inner foundation. I understand better what people mean when they say you can only give to others what you know to be true yourself. If inside of you, your kindness is superficial - if your self-talk is negative - if your praise is tinged with jealousy - then eventually, externally, your intent will make itself clear. Your intent toward yourself must be to truly uplift and inspire and care, before you will ever be able to uplift and inspire and care for others.
4 years later, I know that no matter how well my grandmother understands English she will speak slowly, because she understands there is no rush. Even time was made with intention. Inside of herself, just like inside of the hearts of many Ghanaians, she understood something about the intentionality of time that I did not, that I think most of American culture lacks. I think we were all made to understand one another.
Humans are selfish, but selfish doesn’t have to mean “wrong” or hurtful, especially when survival is human instinct. Our survival is our nature. And you can’t fight against the truth of nature.