today

“Wherever you go, there you are.”

4 years after deciding to move to Ghana, I have arrived at the same values which urged me to buy that one-way ticket in the first place. I’m still very curious about why people, myself included, act and behave the way they do, and how our circumstances and surroundings affect behavior. To me, this persistent interest is confirmation to me that as much as the spirit is adaptable, as much as our brains are malleable, spirit is persistent inside all of us and we are responsible for becoming attuned to our heart’s desires. 

I thought there was an “it” that I was looking for before I moved that would change my life and desires. I didn’t realize that the destination is never a location or a school of thought, I didn’t realize that the destination is ever-occurring if you move through life freely and openly enough to receive it. I didn’t realize that the cleanse is an individual process, that it’s started before I even knew it was meant to, that I had to not only seek it but give my best effort, every day, to meet it. Continuously. 

I didn’t realize because I hadn’t been doing that. I didn’t know that it was in me to do that yet.

Doing some August 1, birthday month, early 20s reflections, I have decided that I want to live intentionally toward myself to be better able to create positive meaning, impact, and change in other people. I thought before that the way to do this was to pour everything out of myself. With favors, with attention, with praise, with presence, with whatever I thought I had to do to show love before I learned the importance of a strong inner foundation. I understand better what people mean when they say you can only give to others what you know to be true yourself. If inside of you, your kindness is superficial - if your self-talk is negative - if your praise is tinged with jealousy - then eventually, externally, your intent will make itself clear. Your intent toward yourself must be to truly uplift and inspire and care, before you will ever be able to uplift and inspire and care for others.

4 years later, I know that no matter how well my grandmother understands English she will speak slowly, because she understands there is no rush. Even time was made with intention. Inside of herself, just like inside of the hearts of many Ghanaians, she understood something about the intentionality of time that I did not, that I think most of American culture lacks. I think we were all made to understand one another.

Humans are selfish, but selfish doesn’t have to mean “wrong” or hurtful, especially when survival is human instinct. Our survival is our nature. And you can’t fight against the truth of nature.

silence

Silence is the same as indifference.

Yet when it comes to fighting racial injustice, silence should be categorized by a lack of action rather than the absence of a public statement. While your celebrity favorites may not issue a press release to attest to their outrage, we are not privy to financial or political support they provide behind the scenes. Energy should be redirected from blaming them to making more conscious efforts in our personal lives to affect change.

Companies who regularly push social development in-house and produce content that acknowledges progressive movements around them wordlessly give us some insight into the brand’s ideologies. Artists and industry leaders who take the initiative to share infographics and donation links also clearly show that they are making efforts to raise awareness. Not every person or brand should issue an original statement in addition because actions speak louder than words. Allow brands and people to make authentic statements. If they do not, either to preserve aesthetic or to avoid controversy, there is your answer on their stance. Racism is never a controversial topic if you aren’t racist. And asking for major corporations rather than black individuals to be the dominant voices in this conversation sounds counterintuitive.

If we apply pressure on social media for people to speak about police brutality, we will continue to get platitudes from brands and influencers who capitalize off of black culture and do not care about black realities. That is not enough. Watching several companies and brand influencers misfire with their attempts at showing solidarity has made me realize why diversity in media and marketing is so important. As patrons of these companies, we have power. Consumers should rather request that influential brands/people open their purses- and be ready to close ours if they do not. “Open your purse”= put your money where your mouth is. Donate, donate, donate. If you can, spend money on local and black owned businesses. If you cannot, sign petitions. More important than the question “what has xyz celebrity said about this?” are the questions “what has xyz celebrity done?” and “what can I do personally…have I done anything at all?”

On the ground in various states, protests are becoming more radical. Critics who were silent about Amy Cooper and George Floyd have suddenly found their voices to condemn the chaos. Protestors have now been labeled thugs en masse. This is despite the fact that America has incited violence all around the world in the name of justice. Now, at a time when American civilians seek justice from their own government using that same modus operandi, we are told this is wrong and un-American. But violence has always been America’s most true form. There are no such qualms about violence when it is used against black people, but protestors who rally against injustice in their communities are being infantilized and arrested. Destruction of property brings more outrage than the destruction of black lives and that is exactly why people protest. There is no ethical way to seek justice from unethical people.

Justice is not served by any singular conviction or legislature, and neither was Rome built in a day. To find out more about how you can help, click here for a list of constantly updated resources. To share personal experiences, opinions, donation links, more ways to get involved, ongoing grassroots movements, and anything else, comment below.

Stay safe x

re: #chloetingchallenge

First of all, it works.

Abs in two weeks sounds about as plausible as a get rich quick scheme until you take this Two Week Shred Challenge. Created by fitness YouTuber Chloe Ting, her routines gained popularity after participants showed off their rapid transformations on social media using the hashtag #chloetingchallenge. Her programs focus on an array of different areas- core, waist, arms, glutes, and more. All of the programs are free, and all of them provide 2-4 videos daily to complete over the allocated time period (usually around 20 days). I decided to try her Two Week Shred challenge and share my personal experience.

Before You Start

Generally, trying to exercise only makes me understand why people get plastic surgery. I had to mentally prepare before I could push myself physically, and that may be the case for anyone else who doesn’t already follow an exercise routine. To get motivated, I recommend finding a workout buddy/buddies. You can either exercise simultaneously via FaceTime or Zoom or create a group chat for motivation and post-sweat selfies. Set aside time in the morning or evening specifically for exercise so that poor time management cannot interfere with your plans. I would also recommend crossing off each day on a physical calendar as you go so that you can visually acknowledge progress. Stretch after workouts. And make sure you have a positive mindset! Note that while physical results may vary, nothing will take away the stamina, strength, and satisfaction that you will gain.

Day 1

Kicked my ass, in a good way. I really had to take my time. If a particular exercise felt too hard, I replaced it with the less strenuous alternative she demonstrated on the left side of the video. When I felt the urge to stop completely, I slowed down my movements instead. That isn’t to say that my body wasn’t screaming for a break, but I held out before I listened. By the end of the final video, I felt so drained and so proud.

Day 3

If it wasn’t for me being inspired by my partners I might have just quit here but I’m so relieved that I didn’t. Four challenge videos in one go looked very daunting and felt even worse, but it was rewarding to cross off the calendar we had put on the fridge. Soreness made me feel like I was on the right track.

Day 5- Active Rest

By now, I felt like I had done too much work to stop. My body became slightly more comfortable with her routines and with daily exercise. I did one of her videos in the evening and pat myself on the back for consistency even though there were no videos posted for the day.

Day 10

Although the workouts don’t exactly get easier to complete, by day 10 I was stronger. I took less breaks. I did all of her exercises with her, not the modified lighter versions anymore. Her videos began to go by faster and this is when I started to notice results. My fangirl behavior started around here too. I felt so positive and healthy that I raved about Chloe Ting to anyone who would listen. I even started singing along to her background music as we exercised along. As much as I complained aloud, I felt lighter. Now it was less like the exercises were kicking my ass and more like a fair fight.

Results

I lost 3cm from my waist and gained 2cm around my butt with no change to my diet. I did not weigh myself before, during, or after. Listening to the measurements my progress sounds average, but when I look in the mirror the change is obvious. Chloe Ting deserves all her accolades.

Day 15 and Beyond

Maintenance is hard. I took a couple days of rest after the challenge to let my body recuperate and now I’m about to start yet another one of her challenges. I feel so confident and healthy that I would encourage everyone reading to join me.

A silver lining of being at home all day is that we have more time and less excuses to achieve our personal goals. To anyone who wants to feel more fit and tone their body, give Chloe Ting a try. Let me know how it goes in the comments!

2.23 miles

Ahmaud Arbery would have been 26 today.

When I first heard about his murder, I was lying down and distracted. It reached my ears from the conversation around me that there had been another killing of another undeserving black victim. Still horizontal, I assumed it was police brutality. I was wrong. Ahmaud was chased, shot, and killed by two white supremacists in Georgia, father and son. It happened in February…three whole months ago. Unease buzzed at my core like television static.

Gregory McMichael and Travis McMichael were arrested for felony murder just yesterday. Their accomplice, William Bryan, has yet to be charged. Activists worldwide assembled to call for justice for Ahmaud Arbery and his family, to rally together, to demand answers. As the protests continue, video footage of the tragedy is being shared and reshared over again. Ahmaud Arbery deserves better than to be immortalized in trauma porn. You don’t need to share the video to know this story; injustice is an American classic. Systematic oppression and the racism which drives it are centuries old, as old as the cries against this violence and as old as the public displaying of it.

Of all the hashtags on social media, the one that hurt most to read came from my little brother on Instagram. After other posts and shares on his story about the lynching of Ahmaud Arbery, he wrote “#thiscouldhavebeenmeoryou.”

His birthdays have always terrified me. As he gets older, he approaches the gaping ravine that is black adulthood in America and every year we are told to celebrate. I don’t know what to feel on birthdays. I feel like mourning, I feel blessed. I have little comfort to provide for my little brother or for myself because I do not want to make false promises. Entire worlds are governed against our favor, entire industries feed off of our despondence and insecurities. Some days, I feel hopeless.

Today, #RunwithMaud. Wear white. Honor his memory. Know that it is okay to feel however you feel. Know that your voice can wield power, a drop in an ocean that may sway the tides. Know that your contributions can make waves that are larger than any of us.

Visit runwithmaud.com for more details on this weekend of action. Visit naacp.org to take further action.

Rest in Peace, Ahmaud Arbery.

on contraceptives

Sexual education encompasses hygiene, safety, and consent in an effort to give individuals the necessary tools to make healthy choices. Although the modules for the proposed Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE) curriculum in Ghana were designed to be age appropriate, it was rejected by the government in 2019. Now adolescents are left with their unanswered questions and very few trustworthy sources to ascertain guidance. Knowledge about your body and your rights should never be made to feel taboo. Treating sex like a forbidden practice will not make it go away. Remove the secrecy around sex and replace it instead with data and information. Youth would then be better equipped to make wise personal decisions.

But for now, about contraceptives…

• Contraceptives, A.K.A birth control, are used to prevent unintended pregnancies.

• 15+ contraceptive options are available with both non-hormonal & hormonal methods.

  • Hormonal contraceptives use hormones to prevent ovulation.

  • Non-hormonal contraceptives do not add any additional hormones to your body.

• A brief description of the most popular birth control methods:

  • Condoms, when used correctly, prevent both STIs and pregnancy. Male and female condoms exist. *Non-hormonal

  • The birth control pill is taken once a day, every day, at the same time of day whether you’ve had sex or not and does not protect against STIs. For women. *Hormonal

  • The birth control shot is administered about once every 3 months and does not protect against STIs. For women. *Hormonal

  • The birth control implant is a tiny, thin rod inserted into your arm by a nurse or a doctor. It can protect against pregnancy for up to 5 years. It does not protect against STIs. For women. *Hormonal

  • IUDs are long lasting birth control contraceptives inserted into the uterus. It can protect against pregnancy for 3-12 years depending on which kind is selected. It does not protect against STIs. For women. *Hormonal and non-hormonal options

  • Withdrawal, or the pull-out method, is when ejaculation occurs away from the vagina and does not protect against STIs. For men. (I would not recommend this method).

• The birth control pill is NOT the same as Plan B, the Lydia Post Pill, or any “morning after” pills. Those are emergency contraceptives pills (ECPs) intended for single use. Keyword: emergency.

• Birth control pills can also help to reduce menstrual cramps.

• Just because you’re on the pill doesn’t mean he should cum inside you every single time or it might throw off your vaginal pH balance.

  • Side effects of unbalanced pH include vaginal itching, irritation, infections, unusual discharge, and your coochie smelling like a barnyard animal.

    • In conclusion, get creative with where you let him finish.

• Side effects for contraceptives vary and could be exacerbated by your medical history, so it is very important to have an honest discussion with your doctor before deciding which method to pursue.

• Don’t be shy to ask your doctor for birth control if you are sexually active! Any non-medical judgment passed is highly unprofessional. Be unapologetic in all inquiries about your general and sexual health. *If you get pregnant, that doctor won’t be taking care of the baby for you.

• Only one form of birth control is 100% effective: abstinence.

! Disclaimer: I have 0 medical training, just sex.

silver linings

I feel compelled to write about COVID-19. 

About 5,000 miles away, my immediate family is in the belly of the beast- New York City. New York has the most number of coronavirus cases at the time I am writing. This is unsurprising for one of the most densely populated cities in the world, but alarming for people who now need to practice stillness. New Yorkers are strangers to stillness. 

Slowly they became acquainted, the people and the stillness. Yet even while businesses and gatherings pause, tragedy continues. Funeral homes are filled to capacity. Refrigerated trucks overflow with dead bodies and drive down streets once so vibrant with life. Death tolls constantly flash on the news screen, more lengthy than a video game high score, more than entire county populations. Relationships wax and wane with the moons as time lengthens since we’ve last embraced faraway loved ones. Neighborhood alleyways in South America went viral for their transformation from streets to halls of death. It seems as though no corner of Earth is safe from this omnipresent pandemic. Even institutions and bureaucracies begin to waver their rules like silk in the wind- suddenly necessary tests are cancelled, suddenly non-optional processes are expendable. 

Social media reminds us of plagues past to warn us, truthfully, that this could just be an extension of the beginning. West African parents hurriedly share both helpful native immunity boosting tips (drink boiled pineapple skin and ginger, drink hibiscus tea, chew raw garlic) and blatant rumors (which need not be repeated) via WhatsApp. Being online can feel like pandemonium nowadays.

Covid-19 knows no race or sex, but like every other living being, Covid-19 knows survival- in the air, to your surfaces, underneath your fingertips. Perhaps better than us, it knows. Covid knows that to survive we need work and we need money, and so the disease latched onto the workforce of small and big businesses in addition to our physical currencies. Owners worldwide are forced to slow production or halt it altogether. As far as I have seen, our humanity has no backup plan for labor for wages except to circulate more money; after that, what next? Covid knew survival well enough to attack capitalist systems that world stability is built upon. Evil genius.

To counteract the evil and the uncertainty of Covid, we can create. We can create new art or new writing or new clothes out of old clothes, new habits and new recipes and new skills thanks to Youtube tutorials. We can create new space by reorganizing and rearranging indoors. We can create positive routines- for example, write down 3 things you are grateful for every day. Just 3, to stay aware of your blessings and to help force your mind into a realm of positivity even if only for a brief moment. We can create to-do lists in the mornings to cross off by the time evening arrives. It could be as simple as getting out of bed or as dynamic as exercise for 1 hour, but it will feel good to have a visual reminder of your daily accomplishment(s). We can create silences devoid of fear and fill them with faith instead. 

Quarantine does not have to connote isolation. You can become closer with people you live with who you may have been too busy to talk to or appreciate in the past. Become closer with yourself through metacognitive processes. Become closer to God in prayer.  

Do what you can to make this new reality enticing for yourself. You deserve that effort.